Thursday, September 09, 2004
Shaq's Message Diluted by Medium
Now we can call him The Big Passive-Aggressive.
Rather than talk to Kobe Bryant face-to-face (or face-to-forehead as it would be) or call him up on the telephone, the recently traded Shaquille O'Neal has chosen to express his bitterness for his former teammate through song. On the soon to be released "You Not The Fightin' Type"(is that what they call "country grammar?"), Shaq makes a dig against a Cincinnati DJ by saying, "Even with wings, you never as fly as me. You remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me, but you can't. Even if you get me traded, wherever I'm at, I'm Puffy; you Ma$e and you're still hated."
Well, move over Emily Dickinson.
First of all, Shaq is just a terrible rapper. I believe that we all need our hobbies and, hey, if he can make a little coin off it, who am I to tell him no. But Shaq has not just released a few CDs; he's actually gone so far as to release a greatest hits album. Where was I when "Shoot Pass Slam" and "Biological Didn't Bother" became "hits" (thank you, amazon.com)? Although he's applied the same standards to his off-season training regimen for years, to call these recordings "hits" is like me doing karoake and then releasing it as my "live album." I credit Shaq for recruiting such talent as Keith Murray and Method Man to make lyrical contributions , but as far as his own rapping goes, the only thing he might do worse is shoot freethrows. If Shaq is going to be using his raps to make his snaps (did I just make a "hit?") on Kobe, he's making fun of himself in the process.
I don't expect Kobe Bryant to respond to Shaq's snipes with a rap, a poem, or an interpretive dance. While Kobe did record a rap album that was never released, he's always been the more mature of the two stars. Obviously, Kobe's hotel etiquette leaves a lot to be desired, but on the court and in the locker room, Kobe has consistently conducted himself with greater poise and professionalism. He doesn't cuss on live broadcasts, he doesn't complain about his teammates to the press, and he doesn't give himself nicknames. Shaq is a big child and that's why Los Angeles loved him more (don't talk to me about jersey sales), but that's also why he pouts and releases sucker-punch rap singles after the fact. A true sportsman and a true competitor would hold his breath, hit the weightroom, and count down the days until the Miami Heat face the Los Angeles Lakers on a basketball court. Kobe--again,in the basketball world--is without a doubt, one of these such players. He might cut out Shaq's quote about him or even buy the CD, but you can bet he'll wait until that Christmas Day game to make any kind of derogatory rebuttal. It's a simple difference between Trash Talk Players and Scoreboard Players.
I've actually been inspired by Shaq's willingness to expose himself to us artistically. I think I might like to try a little rhyming myself...and now, from my forthcoming debut/greatest hits album, here's a sample of the smash single "It's Already Been Brought It."
"You got bounced outta town but I'll be here for a while. Jerry Buss calls me his son so I guess that makes you The Big Stepchild. We'll see if LA misses you more than Darius Miles...So you lost some weight now; I see you can when you want to. Finally worked out over the summer like you are supposed to...Alright Big Mouth, I'll see you in The Finals. I'll beat you in four so you can get back to selling vinyl."
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Rather than talk to Kobe Bryant face-to-face (or face-to-forehead as it would be) or call him up on the telephone, the recently traded Shaquille O'Neal has chosen to express his bitterness for his former teammate through song. On the soon to be released "You Not The Fightin' Type"(is that what they call "country grammar?"), Shaq makes a dig against a Cincinnati DJ by saying, "Even with wings, you never as fly as me. You remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me, but you can't. Even if you get me traded, wherever I'm at, I'm Puffy; you Ma$e and you're still hated."
Well, move over Emily Dickinson.
First of all, Shaq is just a terrible rapper. I believe that we all need our hobbies and, hey, if he can make a little coin off it, who am I to tell him no. But Shaq has not just released a few CDs; he's actually gone so far as to release a greatest hits album. Where was I when "Shoot Pass Slam" and "Biological Didn't Bother" became "hits" (thank you, amazon.com)? Although he's applied the same standards to his off-season training regimen for years, to call these recordings "hits" is like me doing karoake and then releasing it as my "live album." I credit Shaq for recruiting such talent as Keith Murray and Method Man to make lyrical contributions , but as far as his own rapping goes, the only thing he might do worse is shoot freethrows. If Shaq is going to be using his raps to make his snaps (did I just make a "hit?") on Kobe, he's making fun of himself in the process.
I don't expect Kobe Bryant to respond to Shaq's snipes with a rap, a poem, or an interpretive dance. While Kobe did record a rap album that was never released, he's always been the more mature of the two stars. Obviously, Kobe's hotel etiquette leaves a lot to be desired, but on the court and in the locker room, Kobe has consistently conducted himself with greater poise and professionalism. He doesn't cuss on live broadcasts, he doesn't complain about his teammates to the press, and he doesn't give himself nicknames. Shaq is a big child and that's why Los Angeles loved him more (don't talk to me about jersey sales), but that's also why he pouts and releases sucker-punch rap singles after the fact. A true sportsman and a true competitor would hold his breath, hit the weightroom, and count down the days until the Miami Heat face the Los Angeles Lakers on a basketball court. Kobe--again,in the basketball world--is without a doubt, one of these such players. He might cut out Shaq's quote about him or even buy the CD, but you can bet he'll wait until that Christmas Day game to make any kind of derogatory rebuttal. It's a simple difference between Trash Talk Players and Scoreboard Players.
I've actually been inspired by Shaq's willingness to expose himself to us artistically. I think I might like to try a little rhyming myself...and now, from my forthcoming debut/greatest hits album, here's a sample of the smash single "It's Already Been Brought It."
"You got bounced outta town but I'll be here for a while. Jerry Buss calls me his son so I guess that makes you The Big Stepchild. We'll see if LA misses you more than Darius Miles...So you lost some weight now; I see you can when you want to. Finally worked out over the summer like you are supposed to...Alright Big Mouth, I'll see you in The Finals. I'll beat you in four so you can get back to selling vinyl."
# posted by j.h.k. @ 1:12 PM 
