Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Tell me Flava Flav does not belong on the Red Sox. You can't; it's too perfect.
# posted by j.h.k. @ 8:55 AM 
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
What Would "Jesus" Do?
Ray Allen, put up or shut up.
After an October 12th exhibition game against Kobe Bryant and the Lakers, Seattle Supersonic guard Ray Allen was not shy about criticizing his on-court counterpart and his future with his new-look team. Allen spouted to reporters that Kobe would be selfish this season and that he'd be demanding a trade in a year or two if the Lakers weren't contenders.
In what has become typical fashion as the haters line up to take cheap shots at him, Bryant opted to take the high road. Rather than whine to the media and drag on a childish war-of-words with Allen, Kobe simply answered that "He'll have to see me on that court."
Or will he?
The Lakers and Sonics played another exhibition game last night, but Ray Allen was in street clothes, complaining of a "sore back." When told of this during pregame drills, Kobe represented my feelings perfectly.
"Sore back? You kiddin' me?"
How convenient for Allen. Apparently, the guy who played Jesus Shuttlesworth in Spike Lee's "He Got Game," couldn't live up to the title of that movie. Rather than owning up to his unsolicited attack on Bryant, Allen watched from the bench, no doubt hoping that the whole thing would diffuse itself without him having to guard a revenge driven Kobe Bryant. No such luck, Ray. Kobe's not going to forget. You've got a fight coming and you can't run from it forever.
"We play each other four times a year. I can't get my drawers in a twist over this game. I don't know Kobe. I don't have anything personal against him."
Declaring that someone is selfish and is going to demand a trade within two years sounds pretty personal to me. If Ray Allen doesn't have anything against Kobe, he might have remembered to keep his predictions to himself. Now that he's forced to deal with what he's said, we see how Allen reacts. He runs and hides. Thanks to the NBA schedule, he can only avoid this confrontation for so long. The Sonics and Lakers meet on December 14th, January 25th, March 20th, and April 8th. However, it wouldn't surprise me if on each of those dates Allen suffered a strained fingernail, stomach virus, sinus infection, and deep paper cut, respectively.
Kobe has taken shots this season before he's had a chance to even touch the ball. First Shaq, then Phil, and now Ray Allen, all throwing bank shots off Kobe. The difference is that at least Shaq and Phil had a frame of reference. Who the hell is Ray Friggin' Allen to say anything about Kobe Bryant, a player he's never shared a locker room with? To use Kobe's words, Ray Allen and Kobe Bryant shouldn't even be mentioned "in the same breath."
After all, after coming into the league in the same year, Allen from UConn, Kobe from high school, Kobe's success has totally eclipsed Allen's. Kobe's got three rings and is likened to the greatest player of all-time, Michael Jordan. Ray Allen's going to come at a guy like that with nothing on his resume but a few All-Star Games? Oh yeah, he also won the 3-Point Shootout and has been on the All-Interview Team. C'mon! Ray Allen is clearly speaking out of nothing but ignorance and jealousy.
Why else would a guy who's never played with Kobe be so concerned about predicting what Kobe's going to do next?
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After an October 12th exhibition game against Kobe Bryant and the Lakers, Seattle Supersonic guard Ray Allen was not shy about criticizing his on-court counterpart and his future with his new-look team. Allen spouted to reporters that Kobe would be selfish this season and that he'd be demanding a trade in a year or two if the Lakers weren't contenders.
In what has become typical fashion as the haters line up to take cheap shots at him, Bryant opted to take the high road. Rather than whine to the media and drag on a childish war-of-words with Allen, Kobe simply answered that "He'll have to see me on that court."
Or will he?
The Lakers and Sonics played another exhibition game last night, but Ray Allen was in street clothes, complaining of a "sore back." When told of this during pregame drills, Kobe represented my feelings perfectly.
"Sore back? You kiddin' me?"
How convenient for Allen. Apparently, the guy who played Jesus Shuttlesworth in Spike Lee's "He Got Game," couldn't live up to the title of that movie. Rather than owning up to his unsolicited attack on Bryant, Allen watched from the bench, no doubt hoping that the whole thing would diffuse itself without him having to guard a revenge driven Kobe Bryant. No such luck, Ray. Kobe's not going to forget. You've got a fight coming and you can't run from it forever.
"We play each other four times a year. I can't get my drawers in a twist over this game. I don't know Kobe. I don't have anything personal against him."
Declaring that someone is selfish and is going to demand a trade within two years sounds pretty personal to me. If Ray Allen doesn't have anything against Kobe, he might have remembered to keep his predictions to himself. Now that he's forced to deal with what he's said, we see how Allen reacts. He runs and hides. Thanks to the NBA schedule, he can only avoid this confrontation for so long. The Sonics and Lakers meet on December 14th, January 25th, March 20th, and April 8th. However, it wouldn't surprise me if on each of those dates Allen suffered a strained fingernail, stomach virus, sinus infection, and deep paper cut, respectively.
Kobe has taken shots this season before he's had a chance to even touch the ball. First Shaq, then Phil, and now Ray Allen, all throwing bank shots off Kobe. The difference is that at least Shaq and Phil had a frame of reference. Who the hell is Ray Friggin' Allen to say anything about Kobe Bryant, a player he's never shared a locker room with? To use Kobe's words, Ray Allen and Kobe Bryant shouldn't even be mentioned "in the same breath."
After all, after coming into the league in the same year, Allen from UConn, Kobe from high school, Kobe's success has totally eclipsed Allen's. Kobe's got three rings and is likened to the greatest player of all-time, Michael Jordan. Ray Allen's going to come at a guy like that with nothing on his resume but a few All-Star Games? Oh yeah, he also won the 3-Point Shootout and has been on the All-Interview Team. C'mon! Ray Allen is clearly speaking out of nothing but ignorance and jealousy.
Why else would a guy who's never played with Kobe be so concerned about predicting what Kobe's going to do next?
# posted by j.h.k. @ 1:30 PM
Spreading the Love
I'm pleased to announce the launch of another Soapbox franchise gracing the "internets," a political commentary blog written by my good buddy Adam Partridge. Naturally, it's called SoapBox Politics. While our two blogs are affiliated, neither I nor Adam is responsible for content on each other's sites. Any comments should be addressed only to the author and not to all SoapBox administrators. Welcome aboard, Mr. Partridge! Let the sporting and political discourse run wild like the salmon of Capistrano!
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# posted by j.h.k. @ 8:51 AM
Monday, October 25, 2004
All Aboard!
Is there anything more annoying than bandwagon fans? I don't think so. Here's a scene I observed at Lids, a hat store in the Glendale Galleria, with my comments in italics.
Middle Aged White Guy With Thick Beverly Hills Accent (to salesperson): Excuse me, do you have a Boston Red Sox hat?
Salesperson (leading him to the MLB hats): Yeah, sure. Do you want the one they wear on the field?
Guy: Yeah, whatever's the most authentic.
How 'bout I give you an authentic ass-whooping.
Salesperson (holding up Boston hat): Here ya go.
Guy: Is that it there?
Um, yeah, that's it. The blue hat with the great big red "B" on it. I know it's changed a lot in 200 years so I'm not surprised even a die hard fan like yourself didn't recognize it.
Salesperson: What size?
Guy: Large.
Large?! Are you kidding me? Not only have you never seen a Red Sox hat before, but you've never even had a baseball cap! Large?! Seven and a half! Seven and three eighths, man! Never Large! You gonna wear your Large over to McDonald's and order a venti diet coke?! I loathe bandwagon fans!
It's official, the Red Sox are as trendy as Von Dutch.
Speaking of bandwagoneers, how long has Tom Hanks held residency in Red Sox Nation? Could it be as long as they've been American League Champs? If you missed it, Hanks was spotted at Fenway during last night's game sporting a Red Sox hat (we think it was a Large). When asked about it, The Man With One Red Shoe replied that he was "an American League fan." Uh huh, sure ya are. Gotta love that DH. So he's climbing on the wagon, but at least he's still got one foot on the ground. Because he gave me Jimmy Dugan, Josh Baskin, and Forrest Gump, I will forgive him. Besides, nothing could be worse than John Travolta teleporting himself into Game Seven of the 2002 World Series and hugging with Jackie Autry when the Angels won. His presence there could not have been more conspicuous and awkward if he came in on a zipline during "God Bless America." I think he said he was there because he was a fan of "teams that begin with the letter 'A.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did everybody see Ashlee Simpson take a virtual nosedive on SNL this weekend? If you missed it, her band began playing one song, when suddenly a recorded track of her voice singing a different song began playing while she still held the microphone at her side. Like the consummate professional she is, she recovered by performing a half-hearted square dance of some kind before walking off stage. The best part was at the end of the show when she apologized and laughingly explained that her "band started playing the wrong song." Funny, I didn't know the guy who played the recorded vocal while the blonde twit lip synchs was actually considered part of "the band." This yarn ranks right up there with the one about how Sammy Sosa accidentally used a corked batting practice bat in a game.
Seriously though, I can forgive lip synching, but I cannot overlook shameless attempts to pin blame on your bandmates. Maybe she should hang out with Cal's Aaron Rodgers.
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Middle Aged White Guy With Thick Beverly Hills Accent (to salesperson): Excuse me, do you have a Boston Red Sox hat?
Salesperson (leading him to the MLB hats): Yeah, sure. Do you want the one they wear on the field?
Guy: Yeah, whatever's the most authentic.
How 'bout I give you an authentic ass-whooping.
Salesperson (holding up Boston hat): Here ya go.
Guy: Is that it there?
Um, yeah, that's it. The blue hat with the great big red "B" on it. I know it's changed a lot in 200 years so I'm not surprised even a die hard fan like yourself didn't recognize it.
Salesperson: What size?
Guy: Large.
Large?! Are you kidding me? Not only have you never seen a Red Sox hat before, but you've never even had a baseball cap! Large?! Seven and a half! Seven and three eighths, man! Never Large! You gonna wear your Large over to McDonald's and order a venti diet coke?! I loathe bandwagon fans!
It's official, the Red Sox are as trendy as Von Dutch.
Speaking of bandwagoneers, how long has Tom Hanks held residency in Red Sox Nation? Could it be as long as they've been American League Champs? If you missed it, Hanks was spotted at Fenway during last night's game sporting a Red Sox hat (we think it was a Large). When asked about it, The Man With One Red Shoe replied that he was "an American League fan." Uh huh, sure ya are. Gotta love that DH. So he's climbing on the wagon, but at least he's still got one foot on the ground. Because he gave me Jimmy Dugan, Josh Baskin, and Forrest Gump, I will forgive him. Besides, nothing could be worse than John Travolta teleporting himself into Game Seven of the 2002 World Series and hugging with Jackie Autry when the Angels won. His presence there could not have been more conspicuous and awkward if he came in on a zipline during "God Bless America." I think he said he was there because he was a fan of "teams that begin with the letter 'A.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did everybody see Ashlee Simpson take a virtual nosedive on SNL this weekend? If you missed it, her band began playing one song, when suddenly a recorded track of her voice singing a different song began playing while she still held the microphone at her side. Like the consummate professional she is, she recovered by performing a half-hearted square dance of some kind before walking off stage. The best part was at the end of the show when she apologized and laughingly explained that her "band started playing the wrong song." Funny, I didn't know the guy who played the recorded vocal while the blonde twit lip synchs was actually considered part of "the band." This yarn ranks right up there with the one about how Sammy Sosa accidentally used a corked batting practice bat in a game.
Seriously though, I can forgive lip synching, but I cannot overlook shameless attempts to pin blame on your bandmates. Maybe she should hang out with Cal's Aaron Rodgers.
# posted by j.h.k. @ 1:31 PM
