Friday, September 03, 2004
Big Mac, Small Appetite?
I love Carl's Jr. For my money, there are not many better fast food burgers. However, I really take issue with their television advertising. First they gave us the famed "If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face" series which, I know for me, was highly appetizing. I would actually just go to the drive-thru and ask them to put it "in my face." Forget the bag, forget the wrapping, just put that big burger in my face. It brings to mind images of washing your face with thousand island. But it didn't stop with that sloppy slogan; no, that would be too easy. Now they're taking shots at McDonald's by hitting us with a commercial featuring former Home Run King Mark McGwire (I'll bet you were wondering what this had to with sports). Ya see, McGwire's nickname "Big Mac" was a play on the famous McDonald's hamburger of the same name yet Carl's tell us even Big Mac himself prefers their Six-Dollar Burger. He sits there with this giant sandwich in his hand (it may have been the new double-six-dollar burger--would that be a twelve-dollar burger?), and he's supposedly just going to town on this thing. That's what they'd have us to believe anyway. In actuality, he's not even taking bites; he's chomping at air. Now I understand that this commercial might have needed a few takes to shoot, but the guy is massive! He can't manage to eat an entire hamburger or, God forbid, two? It's insulting to our intelligence that they think we can watch Mark McGwire take six giant "bites" of this burger and not notice that the bite radius on the son of a bitch is that of a chihuahua. They even go so far as to have him pull a pickle slice out of the burger and eat that separately...in two bites! When was the last time any normal human being needed two bites to digest a pickle slice the size of a quarter? It's outrageous! Have these ad guys ever been to Carl's Jr? Talk to me about the size of the patties, hit me with the quality of the onion rings, but don't sit Mark McGwire in front of me and expect me to buy when the celebrity endorsing won't even eat the burger if you paid him.
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# posted by j.h.k. @ 8:51 AM 
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Kobe Trial Continues in Court of Public Opinion
I really don't know what to think about the Kobe Bryant case anymore. This balk by the prosecution in the middle of jury selection leaves us scratching our heads as to what to believe...And you know we as American sports fans just have to decide for ourselves one way or the other.
Why would The Accuser back out now? Her lawyers say it's because she has been so traumatized that she's unable to go forward. Given that she has reportedly been traumatized for over a year by this case, the timing of her withdrawal so close to trial seems peculiar. Did the impending start date cause it to finally sink in that she was prosecuting an innocent man? Was this a page out of Hollywood with some tough guy getting to her and scaring her into giving in? Did the prosecution's case suddenly fall apart with the defense's discovery of an expert witness's testimony that physical evidence actually could support Bryant's claim that the act was consensual? Is The Accuser truly disturbed and just randomly changing her mind? We may never know the true reason for the prosecution requesting this dismissal, which, unfortunately, leaves the public to make up their own minds.
Rather than just shrug their collective shoulders, many in the American public cannot be satisfied until they have their own personal closure, even if that means resorting to unfounded presumptions. It's disturbing, this guilty-until-proven-innocent mindset that permeates from radio shows and chat rooms nationwide. Couple that with a lack of faith in our judicial system and you have sadly jaded people that assume guilt upon arrest and never relinquish innocence regardless of the outcome of the trial. While browsing espn.com's coverage of the case this morning, I stumbled onto a user message board where people from across the country were sounding off on the trial that was not to be. Here's a few samples:
"Apparently if you are going to commit sexual assault in Colorado, you need not worry, you are going to walk. As long as you play ball at CU or have enough cake to hire Pam Mackey, your going to sing 'free bird' all the way to your next contract extension. What a great country huh? or not..." cries Vic Murillo.
"She cost the Lakers a World Championship and the USA a gold Medal. Not to mention his relationship with his wife. I hope this young woman finally got the attention she was seeking. " explains a user identified only as "Reg."
"A significant amount of money must have exchanged hands somewhere..." assumes one David Komiyama.
"For him to apologize to her for what happened that night screams guilt. How can he say he now understands that she did not want to have sex have him that night? Has the meaning of rape changed? To me, Kobe is guilty by his own words and admission. An ex-Laker fan. " proclaims Chad from Lincoln, Nebraska.
Excuse me while I do my rendition of "Proud To Be An American." I'd like to address Nebraska Chad as a representative for all the listed contributors. Chad, Kobe's apology means exactly zilch. All he did was recognize that she thinks it wasn't consensual and say he was sorry for his behavior, meaning the act of sex regardless of its circumstances. He maintained that he believed it to be consensual and apologized for the fact that she believed otherwise. For example, I apologize for the fact that you're a moron, but that doesn't make me responsible. Don't you realize Kobe's lawyers approved his "apology" if not helped him write it? Do you honestly think that after having his case dismissed they are going to let him make a statement that makes him look guilty? You know nothing more than what has been reported to you, Chad, and the simple truth is that that information is far from enough to make a decision on what happened in a hotel room one year ago and 2,000 miles away from Lincoln, Friggin' Nebraska. In the words of The Rock, "Know your role, jabroni." It's okay to be your own one-man hung jury.
Who knows where this story will go from here? The outcome of the civil suit certainly has the potential to bring forth some better sense of clarity. Chances are, however, that trial will also end before it ever begins. There will likely be a settlement and people will decide whether that means Kobe wanted to pay The Accuser to hide the truth or pay her to end the parade of lies. Far be it from me to assume the title of "Thought Police." Obviously, everyone has a right to their own opinion. However, if the civil case is brought to trial, I can only hope that the jury box is less tainted by foolish cynicism than the espn message board.
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Why would The Accuser back out now? Her lawyers say it's because she has been so traumatized that she's unable to go forward. Given that she has reportedly been traumatized for over a year by this case, the timing of her withdrawal so close to trial seems peculiar. Did the impending start date cause it to finally sink in that she was prosecuting an innocent man? Was this a page out of Hollywood with some tough guy getting to her and scaring her into giving in? Did the prosecution's case suddenly fall apart with the defense's discovery of an expert witness's testimony that physical evidence actually could support Bryant's claim that the act was consensual? Is The Accuser truly disturbed and just randomly changing her mind? We may never know the true reason for the prosecution requesting this dismissal, which, unfortunately, leaves the public to make up their own minds.
Rather than just shrug their collective shoulders, many in the American public cannot be satisfied until they have their own personal closure, even if that means resorting to unfounded presumptions. It's disturbing, this guilty-until-proven-innocent mindset that permeates from radio shows and chat rooms nationwide. Couple that with a lack of faith in our judicial system and you have sadly jaded people that assume guilt upon arrest and never relinquish innocence regardless of the outcome of the trial. While browsing espn.com's coverage of the case this morning, I stumbled onto a user message board where people from across the country were sounding off on the trial that was not to be. Here's a few samples:
"Apparently if you are going to commit sexual assault in Colorado, you need not worry, you are going to walk. As long as you play ball at CU or have enough cake to hire Pam Mackey, your going to sing 'free bird' all the way to your next contract extension. What a great country huh? or not..." cries Vic Murillo.
"She cost the Lakers a World Championship and the USA a gold Medal. Not to mention his relationship with his wife. I hope this young woman finally got the attention she was seeking. " explains a user identified only as "Reg."
"A significant amount of money must have exchanged hands somewhere..." assumes one David Komiyama.
"For him to apologize to her for what happened that night screams guilt. How can he say he now understands that she did not want to have sex have him that night? Has the meaning of rape changed? To me, Kobe is guilty by his own words and admission. An ex-Laker fan. " proclaims Chad from Lincoln, Nebraska.
Excuse me while I do my rendition of "Proud To Be An American." I'd like to address Nebraska Chad as a representative for all the listed contributors. Chad, Kobe's apology means exactly zilch. All he did was recognize that she thinks it wasn't consensual and say he was sorry for his behavior, meaning the act of sex regardless of its circumstances. He maintained that he believed it to be consensual and apologized for the fact that she believed otherwise. For example, I apologize for the fact that you're a moron, but that doesn't make me responsible. Don't you realize Kobe's lawyers approved his "apology" if not helped him write it? Do you honestly think that after having his case dismissed they are going to let him make a statement that makes him look guilty? You know nothing more than what has been reported to you, Chad, and the simple truth is that that information is far from enough to make a decision on what happened in a hotel room one year ago and 2,000 miles away from Lincoln, Friggin' Nebraska. In the words of The Rock, "Know your role, jabroni." It's okay to be your own one-man hung jury.
Who knows where this story will go from here? The outcome of the civil suit certainly has the potential to bring forth some better sense of clarity. Chances are, however, that trial will also end before it ever begins. There will likely be a settlement and people will decide whether that means Kobe wanted to pay The Accuser to hide the truth or pay her to end the parade of lies. Far be it from me to assume the title of "Thought Police." Obviously, everyone has a right to their own opinion. However, if the civil case is brought to trial, I can only hope that the jury box is less tainted by foolish cynicism than the espn message board.
# posted by j.h.k. @ 1:30 PM
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
A Dead Horse?
If you haven't gotten completely sick of reading about the USA Men's Basketball Team, here is an interesting column you might have missed:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/writers/john_hollinger/08/29/olympic.after/index.html
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http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/writers/john_hollinger/08/29/olympic.after/index.html
# posted by j.h.k. @ 1:30 PM
"We wear caps and sleeves at this level, son."
I have been conducting an informal anthropological study at the gym over the past few weeks and I have concluded that there is a subculture of people in this country that do not own a single shirt with sleeves. Fascinating.
More later...
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More later...
# posted by j.h.k. @ 8:59 AM
Monday, August 30, 2004
Potpourri
I'd like to take a second to recognize the fine grounds crew at Shea Stadium in Flushing, Queens. Realizing their stadium is one of the worst in baseball, they've decided to splat some makeup on 'ol Shea by carving elaborate designs in the outfield grass. I first noticed them make a giant "NY" Mets logo in center field during the Subway Series early in the season and thought it was just a proud stamp of pride. Then I caught a game recently and saw some sort of star-shaped pattern carried throughout the entire outfield. If I had never been to Shea Stadium before, these marvels of mowing might lead me to believe it was a decent ballpark. Unfortunately, I've seen the true Shea and was not impressed by the window dressing. It's like putting a spoiler and spoke wheels on an '84 Corolla; you're not going to fool anybody into believing it's a hot car. The good news is, with The Vet abandoned in Philadelphia and Olympic Stadium soon to be left behind in Montreal, the Mets are close to having sole possession of the throne for The Worst Ballpark in Baseball.
Everyone knows the Mike Williams Ruling is completely heinous. The NCAA might as well drop Common Sense 101 because, at this point, they could ace the final and they'd still fail. However, it's unfair to blame the NCAA for Mike Williams not being allowed to play this season. All the NCAA did was uphold its own rules which have been in place longer than Mike Williams has been alive. Yes, they should have probably adapted to these special circumstances, but their refusal to make an exception is not ultimately to blame; Mike Williams is. He knew exactly what he was doing when he left USC for the NFL. He had to realize that the Maurice Clarett ruling was going to be appealed yet he still chose to sacrifice his college eligibility. Why couldn't he have waited for the appeal process to play itself out before signing up with an agent and taking money? What was the rush? Even if he did want to put all his proverbial eggs in one basket, he could have just worked out and gotten ready for the draft without an agent. There was no chance he was going to be drafted number one overall so it's not as if there was a contract to be negotiated before Draft Day. He could have easily stayed in limbo until the legality of his NFL career was etched in stone. The choice he made to jump start his career in this way is the sole reason we will not be in uniform this season--for any team.
Backtracking to the Games of the 28th Olympiad, Spain basketball coach Mario Pesquera is a complete hypocrite. Let's assume that he was just in his criticism of USA coach Larry Brown's late timeout with the US leading by eleven. How are you going to take shots at someone's sportsmanship and then put yours in your pocket by refusing to shake their hand after the game? Absence of your opponent's sportsmanship is no excuse to forget your own. If Pesquera really wanted to call attention to Brown's error, he should have done so like a gentlemen. Instead, he practically started a fight on the court and pouted like a child in the ensuing press conference. Sounds like a great model for foreign relations, doesn't it? While his point of calling Brown a sore winner is not entirely lost, it's certainly diluted by his own behavior as a sore loser.
How cool was Rulon Gardner's traditional farewell gesture of leaving his shoes in the ring after winning the bronze medal? I get chills just visualizing it. I think the so-called major sports should adopt similar traditions. Can you picture Michael Jordan hitting the go-ahead bucket over Bryon Russell, playing out the clock, and then leaving the shoes that already bear his silhouette at half court? How beautifully poignant would that be? That image would be the cover of every sports magazine, not to mention Newsweek and Time, and would deck the walls of game rooms across America for decades to come. Bob Costas would go Walt Whitman with this. The only thing that detracts from this image is that of Jordan returning to the Delta Center eighteen months later and asking for his shoes back. Roger Clemens might have to pull his from George Steinbrenner's fireplace. Seriously though, it's such a moving symbol of an athlete saying farewell to the game that I'd like to see more of it.
That's all for today, folks. Unless, of course, Jason Whitlock's next column comes out...
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Everyone knows the Mike Williams Ruling is completely heinous. The NCAA might as well drop Common Sense 101 because, at this point, they could ace the final and they'd still fail. However, it's unfair to blame the NCAA for Mike Williams not being allowed to play this season. All the NCAA did was uphold its own rules which have been in place longer than Mike Williams has been alive. Yes, they should have probably adapted to these special circumstances, but their refusal to make an exception is not ultimately to blame; Mike Williams is. He knew exactly what he was doing when he left USC for the NFL. He had to realize that the Maurice Clarett ruling was going to be appealed yet he still chose to sacrifice his college eligibility. Why couldn't he have waited for the appeal process to play itself out before signing up with an agent and taking money? What was the rush? Even if he did want to put all his proverbial eggs in one basket, he could have just worked out and gotten ready for the draft without an agent. There was no chance he was going to be drafted number one overall so it's not as if there was a contract to be negotiated before Draft Day. He could have easily stayed in limbo until the legality of his NFL career was etched in stone. The choice he made to jump start his career in this way is the sole reason we will not be in uniform this season--for any team.
Backtracking to the Games of the 28th Olympiad, Spain basketball coach Mario Pesquera is a complete hypocrite. Let's assume that he was just in his criticism of USA coach Larry Brown's late timeout with the US leading by eleven. How are you going to take shots at someone's sportsmanship and then put yours in your pocket by refusing to shake their hand after the game? Absence of your opponent's sportsmanship is no excuse to forget your own. If Pesquera really wanted to call attention to Brown's error, he should have done so like a gentlemen. Instead, he practically started a fight on the court and pouted like a child in the ensuing press conference. Sounds like a great model for foreign relations, doesn't it? While his point of calling Brown a sore winner is not entirely lost, it's certainly diluted by his own behavior as a sore loser.
How cool was Rulon Gardner's traditional farewell gesture of leaving his shoes in the ring after winning the bronze medal? I get chills just visualizing it. I think the so-called major sports should adopt similar traditions. Can you picture Michael Jordan hitting the go-ahead bucket over Bryon Russell, playing out the clock, and then leaving the shoes that already bear his silhouette at half court? How beautifully poignant would that be? That image would be the cover of every sports magazine, not to mention Newsweek and Time, and would deck the walls of game rooms across America for decades to come. Bob Costas would go Walt Whitman with this. The only thing that detracts from this image is that of Jordan returning to the Delta Center eighteen months later and asking for his shoes back. Roger Clemens might have to pull his from George Steinbrenner's fireplace. Seriously though, it's such a moving symbol of an athlete saying farewell to the game that I'd like to see more of it.
That's all for today, folks. Unless, of course, Jason Whitlock's next column comes out...
# posted by j.h.k. @ 1:31 PM
