Tuesday, December 21, 2004
The False Prophet and The Brick Wall
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's two 4th-quarter interceptions last night not only cost his team the game, but they may also refute the theory held by so many football pundits that he is the secondcoming of Jesus Christ. Stay tuned.
At halftime of last night's contest, Al Michaels' interview with Shaquille O'Neal was shown in an effort to boost interest in what is already bound to be the biggest regular season NBA game in recent memory. I've been chiming in all season as Shaq has dropped bombs in the papers so why stop now. The Big Fella had this say about Saturday's matchup with former cohort Kobe Bryant:
"If you've got a Corvette that runs into a brick wall, you know what's gonna happen. He's a Corvette. I'm a brick wall. So you know what's gonna happen."
I think I'd agree with Shaq's comparison of himself to a brick wall. He's big, strong, and, just like a brick wall, he doesn't jump. If Shaq's expecting a crash test, he's got another thing coming. As a Laker fan, I've seen what Mini Coopers like Earl Boykins do when they encounter The Wall; they just swirve around it or drop a teardrop right over the top.
Then he hit us with a quote that rivals his infamous "I've won championships at every level" quote which, of course, at the time was true, except for college and the pros.
"I've always done things the right way, I've always done things the classy way."
Well, yeah...except for all the times he used the media to lash out and talk trash.
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At halftime of last night's contest, Al Michaels' interview with Shaquille O'Neal was shown in an effort to boost interest in what is already bound to be the biggest regular season NBA game in recent memory. I've been chiming in all season as Shaq has dropped bombs in the papers so why stop now. The Big Fella had this say about Saturday's matchup with former cohort Kobe Bryant:
"If you've got a Corvette that runs into a brick wall, you know what's gonna happen. He's a Corvette. I'm a brick wall. So you know what's gonna happen."
I think I'd agree with Shaq's comparison of himself to a brick wall. He's big, strong, and, just like a brick wall, he doesn't jump. If Shaq's expecting a crash test, he's got another thing coming. As a Laker fan, I've seen what Mini Coopers like Earl Boykins do when they encounter The Wall; they just swirve around it or drop a teardrop right over the top.
Then he hit us with a quote that rivals his infamous "I've won championships at every level" quote which, of course, at the time was true, except for college and the pros.
"I've always done things the right way, I've always done things the classy way."
Well, yeah...except for all the times he used the media to lash out and talk trash.
# posted by j.h.k. @ 8:59 AM 
'Tis The Season
I've always loved the commercials that are churned out during the festive holiday season. Whether it's the one where big brother comes home from the military on Christmas morning to wake his family with the scent of Folgers coffee, or the one where Ronald McDonald ice skates on the frozen pond, holiday commercials really enhance my Christmas spirit.
That being said, if I see one more f_cking commercial where a thirty-ish husband gives his wife a f_cking Jaguar (JAG-YOU-ARE) or Benz for Christmas, I am going to get violent. Have you seen these ridiculous ads? He leads her out onto the driveway of their gorgeous house on Christmas morning and removes a blindfold to reveal a beautiful new $40K car sitting in the driveway with a giant red bow on it. Who is the target audience here? The early-thirties, filthy rich, home-owning husband? Quite a niche. Please, I'm twenty-six, I owe $9K on my used car, I'm over $50K in student loan debt, and I'm moving because I can't afford the $100 raise in rent on my studio apartment. I don't know anyone remotely near my age who, first of all, owns a house much less buys luxury cars as Christmas gifts. My favorite part is how the husband always wears an expression of great insecurity, always wondering if his wife is going to like his gift...
"A Lexus. Wow."
"Ohhh, do you like it, honey?"
"Well, I do...It's just that..."
"What? Is it the wrong color? I kept the receipt if you would prefer to get it in red. Maybe you would prefer the coupe instead?"
"No no, I love it...I just thought, well...I just kinda wanted a BMW. But it's the thought that counts! Oh thank you, my love! Did you like your gift?"
"Are you kidding, Lovey? I adore my 50-ft. yacht! And the name, 'Disposable Income,' you are so funny!"
Gag me with a wooden spoon from Wal-Mart. If I ever give my wife a car for Christmas, she'd better burst the f_ck out in song. Seriously, doesn't the common man have it tough enough trying to keep his woman happy? Does he really need crap like this putting delusions of grandeur into her head? Maybe this crap plays in the midwest, but it sure as sh_t doesn't play too well here in LA where 600 sq. ft. will run you a half a million dollars.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
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That being said, if I see one more f_cking commercial where a thirty-ish husband gives his wife a f_cking Jaguar (JAG-YOU-ARE) or Benz for Christmas, I am going to get violent. Have you seen these ridiculous ads? He leads her out onto the driveway of their gorgeous house on Christmas morning and removes a blindfold to reveal a beautiful new $40K car sitting in the driveway with a giant red bow on it. Who is the target audience here? The early-thirties, filthy rich, home-owning husband? Quite a niche. Please, I'm twenty-six, I owe $9K on my used car, I'm over $50K in student loan debt, and I'm moving because I can't afford the $100 raise in rent on my studio apartment. I don't know anyone remotely near my age who, first of all, owns a house much less buys luxury cars as Christmas gifts. My favorite part is how the husband always wears an expression of great insecurity, always wondering if his wife is going to like his gift...
"A Lexus. Wow."
"Ohhh, do you like it, honey?"
"Well, I do...It's just that..."
"What? Is it the wrong color? I kept the receipt if you would prefer to get it in red. Maybe you would prefer the coupe instead?"
"No no, I love it...I just thought, well...I just kinda wanted a BMW. But it's the thought that counts! Oh thank you, my love! Did you like your gift?"
"Are you kidding, Lovey? I adore my 50-ft. yacht! And the name, 'Disposable Income,' you are so funny!"
Gag me with a wooden spoon from Wal-Mart. If I ever give my wife a car for Christmas, she'd better burst the f_ck out in song. Seriously, doesn't the common man have it tough enough trying to keep his woman happy? Does he really need crap like this putting delusions of grandeur into her head? Maybe this crap plays in the midwest, but it sure as sh_t doesn't play too well here in LA where 600 sq. ft. will run you a half a million dollars.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
# posted by j.h.k. @ 8:54 AM
Monday, December 20, 2004
A Man(ning) of Integrity
Perhaps integrity and sportsmanship do still exist in professional sports. Eleven days ago, I wrote a beleaguered column about the current state of the Lakers and the NBA, saying I was just about ready to walk away altogether. Last night, I saw fifty-nine seconds of an NFL game that gave me the warm-and-fuzzies and it had nothing to do with Christmas.
With his team ahead by ten points and facing a first and goal situation, Peyton Manning was one completion away from tying Dan Marino for the most touchdowns in a single season. It was a home game, the Indianapolis fans in a joyous frenzy, a primetime contest nationally televised on ESPN, and a game played against a potential playoff foe, led by the reigning Defensive Player of the Year. Like Michael Jordan at the freethrow line, Peyton Manning could have seized this perfect opportunity with his eyes closed.
Instead, he took a knee. In that moment, Peyton Manning had every chance to etch his name in the history books and end the countdown to his inevitable achievement of the record. Yet, again, he took a knee. Manning watched as the clock exhaled the game's last breath and after a hard fought victory, began the celebration, untempered by even an inkling of what might have been.
Such a clear case of class is rarely displayed in professional sports these days. Manning and Dungy renewed my respect and admiration for them yesterday by putting sportsmanship above showmanship. While the call to take a knee is also strategically wise, with a quarterback like Peyton the risk was minute. They both deserve credit for not chasing a record at the expense of disrespecting their opponent. As the seconds dripped away and players began walking off the field, Ray Lewis, the anchor of the Baltimore defense, approached Peyton Manning and the two exchanged words for several seconds. Given the situation and the smile on Lewis' face, one might assume he was expressing respect if not gratitude for Manning and Dungy taking the high road.
Fortunately for Peyton, he still has two more games to secure his name atop the single season touchdown list. His integrity will not force him to make himself into a martyr like Cal's Jeff Tedford whose team probably lost its place in the BCS because he chose not to run up the score of a game they had in their pocket. In the regular season's final two games, I'll be rooting for Peyton Manning above all other players and teams because his strength of character has vaulted him above the mire and placed him in an elite pantheon of sportsmen. Not to mention my fantasy team might be headed for the Super Bowl and Reggie Wayne is my top receiver.
For all the outrage and controversy stirred by the FCC, television networks, and countless conservative Christian organizations that have become the white noise of sports media, there was a bold exception of morality on display in Indianapolis Sunday night. I wish it would garner half the attention that a desperate housewife in a towel did, but I, of all people, know that negativity is always easier to talk about.
On that note, I'd like to contrast the principle of Peyton Manning's actions with the more common comments of Ravens' cornerback Gary Baxter. After being handed his defensive dignity on a platter by Peyton Manning, Gary had this to say:
"Basically everybody wanted him to get the record, they'd been showing it on TV all week, talking about 'Peyton Manning this, Peyton Manning that.' We're a great defense, we're a good team, and no one ever said anything about us."
As long as you have honor like that, Gary, no one ever will.
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With his team ahead by ten points and facing a first and goal situation, Peyton Manning was one completion away from tying Dan Marino for the most touchdowns in a single season. It was a home game, the Indianapolis fans in a joyous frenzy, a primetime contest nationally televised on ESPN, and a game played against a potential playoff foe, led by the reigning Defensive Player of the Year. Like Michael Jordan at the freethrow line, Peyton Manning could have seized this perfect opportunity with his eyes closed.
Instead, he took a knee. In that moment, Peyton Manning had every chance to etch his name in the history books and end the countdown to his inevitable achievement of the record. Yet, again, he took a knee. Manning watched as the clock exhaled the game's last breath and after a hard fought victory, began the celebration, untempered by even an inkling of what might have been.
Such a clear case of class is rarely displayed in professional sports these days. Manning and Dungy renewed my respect and admiration for them yesterday by putting sportsmanship above showmanship. While the call to take a knee is also strategically wise, with a quarterback like Peyton the risk was minute. They both deserve credit for not chasing a record at the expense of disrespecting their opponent. As the seconds dripped away and players began walking off the field, Ray Lewis, the anchor of the Baltimore defense, approached Peyton Manning and the two exchanged words for several seconds. Given the situation and the smile on Lewis' face, one might assume he was expressing respect if not gratitude for Manning and Dungy taking the high road.
Fortunately for Peyton, he still has two more games to secure his name atop the single season touchdown list. His integrity will not force him to make himself into a martyr like Cal's Jeff Tedford whose team probably lost its place in the BCS because he chose not to run up the score of a game they had in their pocket. In the regular season's final two games, I'll be rooting for Peyton Manning above all other players and teams because his strength of character has vaulted him above the mire and placed him in an elite pantheon of sportsmen. Not to mention my fantasy team might be headed for the Super Bowl and Reggie Wayne is my top receiver.
For all the outrage and controversy stirred by the FCC, television networks, and countless conservative Christian organizations that have become the white noise of sports media, there was a bold exception of morality on display in Indianapolis Sunday night. I wish it would garner half the attention that a desperate housewife in a towel did, but I, of all people, know that negativity is always easier to talk about.
On that note, I'd like to contrast the principle of Peyton Manning's actions with the more common comments of Ravens' cornerback Gary Baxter. After being handed his defensive dignity on a platter by Peyton Manning, Gary had this to say:
"Basically everybody wanted him to get the record, they'd been showing it on TV all week, talking about 'Peyton Manning this, Peyton Manning that.' We're a great defense, we're a good team, and no one ever said anything about us."
As long as you have honor like that, Gary, no one ever will.
# posted by j.h.k. @ 6:00 PM
